I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
