why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
