i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
