Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So squirting runs in the family.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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