I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
