What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
