i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
