That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
