I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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