I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
