if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
