You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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