you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
