so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
