I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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