new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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