My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
