I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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