How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
