so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
