I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
