I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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