Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
