My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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