Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize