Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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