As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
bring money and cleavage
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He? As in you personified your dick?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
