I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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