I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
