Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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