I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
