I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize