I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How does it feel to date your dad?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
