just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
