Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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