just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
