Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
