This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
