theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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