Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
