Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you win again, gameday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
