Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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