I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
