I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
