Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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