you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
