your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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