nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
