im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
