Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize