So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
