Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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