you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do vagina's smell?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
