I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
