I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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