I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
