he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
