I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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