Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
