So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
