i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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