The maid of honor just puked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
