Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
