ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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