i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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