All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
