I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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