So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
