My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
