I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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